But It's a Dry Heat

Archive for the ‘Internet’ Category

A Real Man of Steel

In my spam box today, an email with the subject line: “Forge your love sword this Valentine’s Day.”

As adverts for male enhancement drugs go, this one is at least original, though as always, totally gender inappropriate. That is, unless they literally mean a sword, in which case, that would be cool. Because who doesn’t need a medieval weapon to celebrate the holiday of love?

The imagery, however, should make any man cringe. “Forge,” by definition is either a furnace or oven where metals are heated and wrought, or the process of heating metal and beating it into shape while it is red hot  and almost melty. There’s also “cold” forging, but even that involves the instructions: “Hit it with a hammer.”

Somehow, I think few men are so desperate for the ultimate boner that they’d undertake a process that involved repeated blows to their junk.

Of course, they could be meaning the other use of forge, as in “forgery.” Hmmm.

Will There Be Laundry Involved?

In a lovely change from the adverts for manroot fertilizer, I get this in my inbox. (It somehow sneaked past my spam filters.)

Doris wants a “true relationship and partner.”

Dear Doris,

As a rule i make a Point not To get involved wIth people who haven’t mastered the Fine art of Capitalization.  But in your case, I might make an exception.  (Because you called me “Dear” and added that cute little rose graphic.) That is, if  by “true relationship and partner,” you mean “washing the dog,” “cleaning house,” “mucking out the horse’s paddock” and “doing laundry.”  If so, please send your pics to ineedamaid@filthyhouse.com

If by relationship you mean…like sex? (/Kaylee from Serenity voice), then I’ll pass as my smexy steampunk zombie takes care of all my needs.

Cheers,

P. Kirby

If It Ain’t Broke, Break it Anyway

Fiddling with the site template…again.  Yes, I totally stole the header from my other blog.  I like the cartoony version of the Wonder Horse.  Anyway, site weirdness may ensue.

The Internet Ate My Baby

“Careful what you say on the Internet,” whispers the nervous Nelly on an online forum, “An employer or an agent or editor might be listening.”

“Look,” says another, “Here’s a case where someone lost their job because of what they posted online.”

“I won’t buy a certain author’s book because of what she said about toasters,” says another with an imperious sniff.

“Oh-Noes!” cries the Greek chorus, “Beware! Beware! Beware!”

*Yes, this is me rolling my eyes back into my head. Lookie, gray matter!* No, it’s never a good idea to post nekkid pictures of yourself, or a detailed account of your cocaine-enhanced, (more…)