But It's a Dry Heat

Archive for December, 2011

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

Because I can be a tiresome pedant, I’d like to note that we are currently living on the “planet of the apes.” Humans are apes. Except to those less-evolved hominids who believe that their imaginary friend magicked up the Earth, firmaments and all its inhabitants in seven days. (If you’re one of those, why are your here, reading this blog? Shoo!)

I confess, I never saw the original Planet of the Apes  movie. I know–hang my head in shame–how can I call myself a geek? (I did see the Tim Burton reboot, which sucked monkey balls.) But based on what I’ve gleaned from Wikipedia and the few scenes from the original that I have seen, Rise of the Planet of the Apes is a splendid prequel.

James Franco plays Will Rodman, the earnest young scientist in search of a cure for Alzheimer’s. His is a personal quest, as his father, Charles (John Lithgow) suffers from the disease. Hope, however, shines bright on the horizon with Will’s pharmaceutical masterpiece, ALZ-113. The first test subject, a chimp known as number 9, displays amazing cognitive abilities after being given the drug, solving a puzzle which probably would challenge many Homo sapiens. Will brings the news to his boss, Jacobs (David Oyelowo) and they prepare to unveil the drug to stockholders, investors and other money types.

Then, disaster strikes. Chimp 9 goes bananas, rampaging through the test facility and eventually being shot dead. Jacobs is furious and demands that (more…)

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

In 2003, the powers that be at Disney had a shiny bright idea: “Let’s make a movie based on a ride in our theme park. Better yet, two.” As source material goes, you probably couldn’t find anything weaker unless you looked in the mirror one morning and decided to write an epic about the pimple on your chin:  Zachary the Zit and the Temple of Acutane.

Despite this, one movie, Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl,  managed to transcend its shit-for-brains premise and make it to the pinnacle of entertaining. (The other, The Haunted House, has been relegated to an answer to a trivia question.)

Of course, the whole Pirates franchise would have suffered a similar fate if not for Johnny Depp’s twitchy, effete portrayal of Captain Jack Sparrow. If driven solely by the power of the pretty—Keira Knightly and Orlando Bloom–it would have sunk deep, beyond even Davy Jones’s reach. Because, let’s face it, Orlando Bloom’s vacuous beauty is perfectly suited for the role of largely silent elf and not much else. Which left Knightly with the job of carrying the personality for two, and generating the heat in a mostly tepid love story.

Jack, fortunately, stole the show. Buoyed by coherent and sometimes clever plot line that showcased Sparrow’s mercurial nature, the movie was a swashbuckling bit of fun. As for the next two movies, well, neither had anywhere near the charm of the first but I found them enjoyable.

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, however, represents the (more…)

New Cover Goodness

I got this a while back and forgot to post it. The Canvas Thief now has a cover! I like how the designer went with a cool fusion of illustration/graphic novel and reality.

Here’s the story description from the original query letter to Carina Press:

Ten years ago, with two perfect drawings, Maya Stephenson accidentally did the impossible. She brought her graphic novel’s characters–Benjamin Black, a thief, and Adam Sayres, a cop–into our world.

Benjamin is tired of the real world and determined to go home to EverVerse, the land of imaginary characters. He breaks into Maya’s house, planning to force her to destroy his drawings, which will Fade him to EverVerse.  The last thing he wants is a relationship, especially with the person who dragged him into this world. But when he meets Maya, his heart starts insisting he’s already home.

Maya has always suspected she’s different.  But until Benjamin and Adam appear in her life, she’s been the epitome of normal. And normal girls date guys with respectable day jobs. So why are her thoughts and hormones getting sidetracked by Benjamin, the enigmatic thief?  Especially when Adam, “the good guy,” is available and interested.

Except real world Adam is a crime lord masquerading as an ATF agent. From Maya, he wants an army of immortals. From Benjamin, he wants immortality independent of his drawings, which can only be achieved if Benjamin Fades to EverVerse, taking one of Adam’s drawings with him.

Benjamin and Maya fight their attraction, all the while coming up with reasons to see each other. But falling is love is the least of their troubles.  Not when Adam is willing to do anything, including hurting Maya’s friends and family, to get what he wants.

Happy Holidays!

Oh, noes. The War on Christmas!

Can you have a war if one side doesn’t even show up? I mean, in the War on Christmas, there’s only one army on the field.  That’s because the evil godless masses, myself included, have been too busy setting up Christmas trees, putting up Christmas lights, buying Christmas gifts and planning Christmas parties.

Thus far, the only combatant on the field is Christmas and its looniest soldiers (Bill O’Reilly, et al). They’ve been marching about since October, waving plastic swords like Don Quixotes. The utter absence of an enemy doesn’t faze them in the least.

Never one to pass up a good fight, I thought I’d take a moment to fire a few salvos here from the sidelines, sniper style. “Happy Holidays! Happy Holidays! Happy Holidays!” Plink, plink, plink, plink.

That said, to everyone else, have a very Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and a Prosperous New Year!

Guest Bloggage: Starla Kaye

And now for something I need to do more of…

Giving my fellow scribes a chance at some promotion.

With multiple novels, novellas and and anthologies under her belt, Starla Kaye knows how to bring on the sexy. Her latest release, Cowboys in Charge, is a Christmas anthology chuck full o’ cowboy hawtness. You might say that the cowboy on the cover is a metaphor for the anthology’s theme: the cowboy’s tangled lasso represents the complexities of communication in a relationship. Or … you could just stare at the pretty, pretty cowboy. As Diana Ross might sing, “I want muscles!”

Thanks, Starla, for providing today’s blog!

Men and Women Driving Each Other Crazy by Starla Kaye

I love writing about a strong male hero, especially one who has a soft center he carefully guards. In my new Christmas anthology release from Black Velvet Seductions, Cowboys in Charge, I have seven cowboys who fit this kind of man.

The men around me in real life love their women. Most of them are also (more…)

What’s That White Stuff?

This morning at five-thirty, the alarm on my husband’s side of the bed went off and he groggily turned it off. I fell back asleep, only to be awakened by hubby announcing that, “There’s at least four inches of snow!”  Then, just like a school age kid, he hurried out to the living room, turned on the tv, and waited for news that his workplace was closed.

A few minutes later, elation turned to bitterness. “Safety first, my ass,” he said. “They only care if we’re safe at work so they don’t get sued. Corporate whores!” His much-hoped for snow day had turned into a pitiful two hour delay.

In the end, he gave up and took the day off

This is where anyone who lives anywhere with a real winter is sneering: “Four inches, that’s not a storm.” True, but this is the desert and deserts are defined by their lack of precipitation, including the frozen kind. Snow around here is an evanescent phenomenon, here today, gone tomorrow, and we New Mexicans know to milk that one day for all it’s worth.

Me, I slogged my way in to work and back home again, successfully negotiating the roads which had become Disney’s Idiots on Ice. There are two variants of snow drivers in New Mexico. The ones who drive so slow that they may as well get out of their cars and walk, and the ones who’s approach is, “Oh, my god, white stuff on my tires! Drive really fast so it doesn’t stick!”

Snow or not, life goes on when you have animals. The horse must be fed; his paddock cleaned. The dog must be walked. When I got home from work, I found that my favorite fleece lined jeans were still wet from the morning walk. I pitched them in the dryer and soon after found a new definition for happiness.

Happiness is putting on a pair of fresh-out-of-the-dryer-warm jeans on a cold day.

Friday Schmaltz

The sun is shining.

Yeah, I know. This is New Mexico. It does that. Except the weather geeks have been making much a hue and cry over the impending storm. Fortunately, in my little corner of the desert, the wind didn’t blow as predicted and it was a balmy 29-degrees this morning when I took the greyhound for his morning stroll. The weather geeks were going on about how frigid it was. Really? Because it was 19-degrees last week. My maths aren’t so great, but I’m certain 19 is less than 29.

Friday. My mother is visiting this weekend and the house has never been filthier. My only options are hiring a team of maids or moving.

So I said, “Screw it,” and did some sketching. This one is inspired by a quotation I saw in a catalog. (Oh, there’s another thing–we’re drowning in catalogs. Tis the season.) It’s full of errors, but I find I like my raw sketches better than my finished work. This is Regan (from The Music of Chaos) and Talis (also The Music of Chaos, with a bit part in The Canvas Thief.) Both are well over 100, but … semantics. As always, click image for a larger version.