But It's a Dry Heat

Archive for the ‘Action flicks’ Category

Hobo With a Shotgun

Oh, Rutger Hauer, once the sexy man-wolf Navarre in Ladyhawke, and now the rode-hard-and-put-up-craggy-faced-and-tired hobo, in Hobo with a Shotgun.

Hobo with a Shotgun is the kind of movie where the most memorable line is, “When life gives you razor blades, you make a baseball bat covered in razor blades.” That dialogue is immediately followed by the aforementioned weapon disemboweling someone.

The movie is a throwback or perhaps an homage to the exploitation–grindhouse cinema–films of the 70s, complete with the over-the-top, cheesy violence and sexuality. Well, mostly violence, unless your idea of sexuality is a few shots of naked boobies. The film actually has its origins as a “fake” movie trailer, submitted by director Jason Eisener to a contest that Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino held to promote their Grindhouse movies, Planet Terror and Death Proof.  Eisener’s entry won and eventually led to the funding to make the full length movie. This little factoid in response to my husband’s question, midway through the movie: “Where do they get the money to make a movie like this?”

It begins when the hobo (Hauer) arrives in town, true hobo style, on a train.  This isn’t a quaint little village that hides a dark secret. Nope, this place showcases (more…)

Troll Hunter

I almost have to like Troll Hunter for one reason alone.

It has no shrieking women. There are some hysterics from a male cast member, but a hungry troll puts a quick end to it. The women are delightfully scream-free. (My reaction to the archetypal screaming starlet is to urge the monster to, “Kill her, kill her now!”)

The downside is that it’s filmed mockumentary-style, with handheld cameras and all the nausea-inducing shaking that goes with film vérité. Besides making sections unbearable for those prone to motion sickness, it means that chunks of the film are just herky-jerky shots of the ground as the characters flee the trolls. The trick is suspenseful once, but gets old fast.

Han (Otto Jespersen) has a problem. He hates his job. (Who doesn’t?) The hours suck, he gets no overtime, there’s tedious paperwork and his coworkers…. Well, he has no coworkers. Instead, he has trolls; it’s his job to manage the trolls of Norway. (Given my experience with coworkers, I might prefer the trolls…)

Hans is a troll hunter for the super secret Norwegian Troll Security Service (TSS). Even today, Norway has a healthy troll population. At least it was healthy. Han’s job consists of (more…)

Captain America

I’m going to state this right out front. Despite my earlier assessment of Thor, I prefer it to Captain America.

Not because Thor is a better movie–both are splashy, but mediocre origin stories–but rather because Thor has Tom Hiddleston’s Loki. Hiddleston’s Loki vacillates between fan-girl-cute boy and smirking, smexy, power-hungry menace. He’s a villain worth rooting for.

Captain America has Red Skull, played by the usually magnificent, even when buried in a mask (V for Vendetta), Hugo Weaving. In V for Vendetta, Weaving projects all manner of emotion through an unmoving white mask. In Captain America, he can’t seem to get a twitch out of flexible red latex.

Chris Evans plays Steve Rogers, aka Captain America, the all-American hero. Handsome in a generic blond way, he’s physically suited for the role. (Why, pray tell, is “All American” synonymous with white and anglo? Maybe it’s a function of living in New Mexico, but my All American is several shades darker, and is often bilingual.) Evans does a decent bit of acting. He even manages to generate a smidgen of chemistry with the obligatory love interest, Hayley Atwell as Peggy Carter. (As opposed to the fizzle that was between Ryan Reynolds and whatshername in Green Lantern.)

Steve Rogers begins the story as (more…)

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

Because I can be a tiresome pedant, I’d like to note that we are currently living on the “planet of the apes.” Humans are apes. Except to those less-evolved hominids who believe that their imaginary friend magicked up the Earth, firmaments and all its inhabitants in seven days. (If you’re one of those, why are your here, reading this blog? Shoo!)

I confess, I never saw the original Planet of the Apes  movie. I know–hang my head in shame–how can I call myself a geek? (I did see the Tim Burton reboot, which sucked monkey balls.) But based on what I’ve gleaned from Wikipedia and the few scenes from the original that I have seen, Rise of the Planet of the Apes is a splendid prequel.

James Franco plays Will Rodman, the earnest young scientist in search of a cure for Alzheimer’s. His is a personal quest, as his father, Charles (John Lithgow) suffers from the disease. Hope, however, shines bright on the horizon with Will’s pharmaceutical masterpiece, ALZ-113. The first test subject, a chimp known as number 9, displays amazing cognitive abilities after being given the drug, solving a puzzle which probably would challenge many Homo sapiens. Will brings the news to his boss, Jacobs (David Oyelowo) and they prepare to unveil the drug to stockholders, investors and other money types.

Then, disaster strikes. Chimp 9 goes bananas, rampaging through the test facility and eventually being shot dead. Jacobs is furious and demands that (more…)

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

In 2003, the powers that be at Disney had a shiny bright idea: “Let’s make a movie based on a ride in our theme park. Better yet, two.” As source material goes, you probably couldn’t find anything weaker unless you looked in the mirror one morning and decided to write an epic about the pimple on your chin:  Zachary the Zit and the Temple of Acutane.

Despite this, one movie, Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl,  managed to transcend its shit-for-brains premise and make it to the pinnacle of entertaining. (The other, The Haunted House, has been relegated to an answer to a trivia question.)

Of course, the whole Pirates franchise would have suffered a similar fate if not for Johnny Depp’s twitchy, effete portrayal of Captain Jack Sparrow. If driven solely by the power of the pretty—Keira Knightly and Orlando Bloom–it would have sunk deep, beyond even Davy Jones’s reach. Because, let’s face it, Orlando Bloom’s vacuous beauty is perfectly suited for the role of largely silent elf and not much else. Which left Knightly with the job of carrying the personality for two, and generating the heat in a mostly tepid love story.

Jack, fortunately, stole the show. Buoyed by coherent and sometimes clever plot line that showcased Sparrow’s mercurial nature, the movie was a swashbuckling bit of fun. As for the next two movies, well, neither had anywhere near the charm of the first but I found them enjoyable.

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, however, represents the (more…)

Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Yesterday, Netflix vomited Transformers, Dark of the Moon into our mailbox. The reference to regurgitation being appropriate, since after freeing itself of that DVD, I’m sure Netflix felt much better. (Sorry, suckas. It goes back to you today.)

Why was it in our queue? Because the hubby and I are geeks and if it has any element of SF or fantasy, we’re are compelled to watch. Compelled by the power of nerd (and Greyskull/see, “nerds.”). We have the same problem with action flicks. Can’t not watch ’em.

Husband and I plop our butts on the couch, dinner in hand, and fire up the DVD. The movie starts, straightaway, no previews, suggesting that (more…)

Thor

Contains mild spoilers. Also, when it comes to spoilers and salsa (hot sauce), my definition of mild is probably an understatement.

Regarding Thor…I much preferred Loki. Whaaaat? Is that bad?

Thor, the movie, doesn’t burden itself with anything more than a paint by numbers plot. This is a good thing, since the type of scriptwriters (and possibly directors) who gravitate toward superhero flicks are usually all thumbs, unable to tie even the simplest plot threads. Thor zips along from point A to point B with no pesky speed bumps like character development to get in the way.

Thor and Loki are sons of Odin, king of the mythical realm of Asgard. When the (more…)

Season of the Witch

Two armies face each other under the desert sun. It’s Christians vs. Muslims in the world series of genocide, aka, the Crusades. Our heroes, Behmen (Nicolas Cage) and Felson (Ron Perlman) trade witty repartee via dialogue stolen from The Lord of the Rings’s Gimli and Legolas. I.e., whoever kills the most enemies gets a beer at the end of the day. Their leader, Holy Knight Guy (HKG), extolls them to fight for god.

Really?  If god is so frickin’ almighty, why doesn’t he fight his own battles?

The battle ensues and it’s religious nutjob fighting religious nutjob.  I don’t know who to root for in this mess.  Behmen? Because this is the first time in several greasy-haired movies that Nicholas Cage has washed his hair?  Yey, shampoo!

The boyz emerge victorious and (more…)

The Last Starfighter

“You haven’t seen The Last Starfighter?” says my husband, incredulous.  “I’ll add it to the Netflix queue.”

I can’t remember why I never saw The Last Starfighter. Given that it features a cute boy, aliens, spaceships, space battles and a romance, it would have made my teenage self go “Squee!”

The Last Starfighter swaps out the planet Tatooine for a trailer park, and takes the whine out of the young hero, but trades on the same basic theme as Star Wars.  A young man, Alex Rogan (Lance Guest), longs for a life beyond the confines of the trailer park that he calls home.

Luke Skywalker had Aunt Beru and (more…)

Karate Kid 2010

I admit I’m a curmudgeon. I’ve never been a fan of inspirational films, or at least, films that so self-consciously flog the zero-to-hero trope. Also, for reasons which now escape me, back in the day, I really didn’t like Ralph Macchio. So I’ve never seen the original Karate Kid.

But, with any interesting action-y flicks tagged with “long wait” status, our Netflix queue is currently trolling the dregs. Karate Kid 2010 is the latest dweller of the depths to emerge and appear in our mailbox.

The movie begins with Dre (Jayden Smith) staring at a long line of marks on a doorframe, each noting his height and the occasion. E.g., birthdays, and notably, his height on the day his dad died. Which, while being a clever way to tell the audience that Pops is toast, is also (more…)