Thor

The Carol Burnett Show called. They want their curtain rod dress back.

Contains mild spoilers. Also, when it comes to spoilers and salsa (hot sauce), my definition of mild is probably an understatement.

Regarding Thor…I much preferred Loki. Whaaaat? Is that bad?

Thor, the movie, doesn’t burden itself with anything more than a paint by numbers plot. This is a good thing, since the type of scriptwriters (and possibly directors) who gravitate toward superhero flicks are usually all thumbs, unable to tie even the simplest plot threads. Thor zips along from point A to point B with no pesky speed bumps like character development to get in the way.

Thor and Loki are sons of Odin, king of the mythical realm of Asgard. When the brothers were just lads, Odin gave them the expected lecture on the responsibilities of kingship and implied that one of them will be king.  Of course, you know this isn’t going to go well. Point of fact, Odin should just say, “You’re a nice boy, Loki, but Thor here is getting the crown because he’s my firstborn and he’s blond. Move on, accept it, lad. If you can’t, well there’s always Ritalin.”

Fast forward several years and it’s Thor’s coronation. I’m not a big fan of muscle bound blond men, but day-yum, Chris Hemworth is pretty in a button nose sort of way and he fills out that armor nicely. The only problem is the cape. It’s looks like it was inspired by a viewing of the Gone With the Wind parody on the Carol Burnett Show.

Thor’s moment of glory is interrupted by the arrival of frost giants in the royal vault (does that sounds naughty, or is it just me?). The frost giants are after a sort-of-McGuffin that was stolen from their realm eons ago. I don’t know why they want it. Maybe it was their only microwave and they have a TV dinner that needs nuking. (It’s not quite a McGuffin, because after about the first 15-minutes of the movie, it’s never seen from again.)  All hopped up on testosterone and hubris, Thor declares that the Asgardians should march upon Whatever the Frost Giant’s Land is Called and kill everyone. Odin tells his bloodthirsty son, “No.”

Thor defies dad, musters up his best buddies and his brother and attacks the giants on their own turf with predictably disastrous results. Fortunately, despite his age,  Anthony Hopkins, I mean Odin, is still a bad ass and he saves Thor and Co’s bacon. Soon after, he strips his arrogant son of his powers, takes away his hammer (hope you weren’t compensating for somethin’, Thor) and banishes him to Earth … where Thor will learn humility and become worthy of the crown.

This was a fun movie, but I’m not sure it would stand up to many repeat viewings. Already issues start to come to mind. Like why did Odin bother trying to pass the crown on to Thor in the first place? You could have asked any random person on Asgard’s streets to describe Thor and they’d say arrogant. Did Papa Odin just take a big heaping spoonful of Lord of the Ring’s style “hope?”

Thor is charming and loverly to look at, but doesn’t have much of a character arc. He’s arrogant. He gets sent to some imaginary armpit of New Mexico (it’s a big state, we’ve got lots of pits), where he meets a girl who teaches him humility by … being pretty? Like Superman, Thor is an illegal alien but he’s too Aryan to get hassled by La Migra. This is why there are no Mexican Superman types. It’s hard to get to supering when someone’s always asking for your papers.

Loki, on the other hand, has ish-shoos. Turns out he’s adopted and his real parents are persona non grata in Asgard. Plus, he’s Loki, mischief maker, insurrectionist, etc.  Tom Hiddleston turns in what I’d call one of the most low-key and subtle villainous performances I’ve seen in a superhero movie. And I mean that as a good thing. For what it’s worth, Loki is never completely Bwah-ha-ha evil. The guy wants the throne and he’s been putting up with his arrogant asshat of a brother for years. If Thor were my brother, I would’ve strangle him in his sleep, long before he hit puberty and started wearing the drapes for a cape. It’s hard not to root for Loki. Were I were the type who wrote fan fiction (not me, nope, not ever, cough), I’d be all over Loki.

Thor is a surprisingly fun movie. The first time through anyway.