Or three things you should never say at a crafts show. (Under penalty of death. You have been warned.)
Disclaimer: By and large, the people who frequent craft fairs are terrific. Friendly. Polite. Just plain nice. But at every picnic, there must be some flies. Here are three recurring humans pests at Art in the Park. (Corrales, NM, every third Sunday of the month, May to September. Promote, promote, promote.)
1. The Cheapskate.
I’m an artist and a writer. Ever-diminishing cash flow is a fact of life. I understand that not everyone can afford original art and handmade crafts created by first-world artisans.
Nonetheless, there’s a special level of hell for people who say, “I can buy something just like this for half the price at Wal-Mart.” Special level, where you’ll be forced to watch endless reruns of Jersey Shore while bamboo slivers are shoved under your fingernails.
No, you can’t buy it at Wal-Mart. My work, and the work of my fellow artists, is handmade, one of a kind. The crap at Wal-Mart was either squirted out on an assembly line in China or made by a skinny Indonesian kid who is tied to his workstation for twelve hours a day.
I–unlike the Indonesian kid–require more than a cup of rice a day to survive. (Not that the kid couldn’t use more too. But I tend to fall down in the absence of three regular meals. Indonesian kids are made of tougher stuff.) I also have a mortgage, car insurance, indoor plumbing, and other trappings of modern life. If I sell my stuff at Wal-Mart prices, I am literally giving it away.
If you don’t like the prices, stay home.
2. The Other Artist’s Fanboy
A guy wanders into our booth. After a cursory look around, he says, “Hey, do you know Bob Smith?” I shake my head. “He’s a metal artist too,” explains the guy. “His work is amazing! He does these sculptures that move in the wind, just like magic. And he paints them all kinds of bright colors.” Bob Smith’s fanboy gushes on and on, his eyes bright with fervor, his tone so ecstatic, I expect him to pull out his penis and start masterbating to Bob Smith’s name. Fanboy ends with, “You aughta go see his work.”
When it comes to my writing, I’m a quivering pile of insecurities. My art? Not so much. Probably, because unlike my writing, it sells. Nevertheless, it’s rude to gush about an artist in another artist’s booth.
Here’s another scenario. Let’s say you decided to hold a dinner party. You invite your friends and then spend the day cooking them a nice meal. The guests arrive and everyone starts eating. Fred, one of your “friends,” takes a bite of food and says, “Have you ever had dinner at Mary’s? She’s a fabulous cook.” He gestures at your mashed potatoes. “She made potatoes the last time we were there and they were heavenly. I don’t how she does it, but they’re the best things I’ve ever eaten. You should get her recipe.”
It is at this point that Fred starts choking and blood pours from his mouth on account of the fork that you’ve jammed into his windpipe.
The people who perpetuate this kind of rudeness are usually older white males. Maybe they are just lonely old fools trying to make conversation. (Dude. Stick to the weather.) Or maybe some white people are genetically predisposed to being assholes.
3. The Critiquer
This hasn’t actually happened to me. But several artist friends have recounted situations where someone enters their booth, or approaches them at a gallery, and then proceeds to critique their work.
Critiquing a work that’s already on the market is like beating a dead horse. The horse doesn’t care and your flogging won’t make it any less dead. Once the artist deems the work good enough to sell, they don’t want to revisit its flaws. The cat’s out of the bag, the monkey’s flung its poo. No going back now.
Taking the dinner party example above, this is like if Fred starting telling you what went wrong with your mashed potatoes. “What you need to do is add the butter before the sour cream. You should use a whisk, not a fork.” Die, Fred, die!
Unsolicited critiques of anything are rude. Period. And no, the customer isn’t always right. Sometimes the customer is a douchebag.
You have been warned. Now go forth and enjoy a crafts show.
First, your writing should never induce insecurities. Marvelous posts with a fresh, sharp approach.
Second, if your art is like your posts, I am certain, if I ever happened upon it in Missouri, I would a.) never reduce the quality of it to Walmart status, b.) compare you to another artist – hence the term “original work” and c.) I am not an artist and would not be remotely qualified to judge merit.
Good for you!
Thanks, Nancy. I appreciate that!