Co-workers point out green slobber on your clothes. Your solution is to start wearing exclusively hunter green.
Your first sign of spring isn't a robin, but a fly.
You get to the checkouts at the grocery and the only things you're buying are 10 pounds of carrots. Oh and maybe a frozen burrito if you have enough money left.
All of your clothes have horsehair on them, even if they've never been worn to the barn.
You grump at your husband for eating so much of the carrot crop, for fear there won't be enough left to last the horses until next year.
Your breezeway/mud room has hay & crud all over the floor, a saddle on a rack along the wall, misc. tack hanging from the chairs, muddy boots & gloves, etc. lying about. Someone's coming to visit. You don't care.
When your bicycle is used as a bridle and saddle rack.
You take your notes to the barn and study for midterms while brushing your horse. I do my best writing whilst cleaning the paddock.
You are one of the few people around that can fix "things" since you are used to fixing the fences that you horses have taken down.
You are down and depressed and you go and talk to your best friend, YOUR HORSE.
You drive by a field and look for horses. This includes trips to foreign countries.
Your horse gets vitamins and supplements everyday and you can't remember to take vitamins yourself. All my animals get better medical care than me.
You can pinpoint anything you might need in 2 seconds in your tack trunk but seem to have misplaced your car keys.
You tell your dog to "whoa."
You buy land and decide to build the barn before the house so your horses have a place to stay.
You pull change from your pocket at work, and hay falls all over.
You save the hoof shavings for the dog.
Books and movies are ruined for you if horsemanship references are incorrect. Any book where people cue horses forward by shaking the reins gets an automatic thumbs down.
You leave work feeling stiff, tense, with a stomach- or headache, and all those feelings disappear the minute you turn into the barn driveway.
You hate posing for pictures unless you're on your horse.
The concept of sleeping in on the weekends has long since faded from your memory.
You don't have to be asked by your non-horsey family what you want for Christmas anymore, because they now get their own Horse catalogs.
You get all starry-eyed over the new Millers catalogue instead of Victoria's Secret. Ugh. Who needs sleezy underwear that makes my thighs look huge?
You call cramps "a little colic."
You snag and rip a fingernail, and although you've been working with horses all morning and Lord knows what is under your nail, you stick it in your mouth and chew on it anyway" This is a problem, why?
You wonder why people look at you funny when you tell them horse manure doesn't smell. Horse manure. The bestest smell in the world!
Your employer understands and allows you to leave early because you have to meet the vet or the farrier. If not, find a new employer. It's just a job.
The sound of a hoof step or a whinny on the TV brings you dashing into the room.
You find it much easier to buy presents for your horsy friends than your non-horsy ones.
You answer and don't think twice about it when someone calls you your horse's name. Just call me Nikolaij.
Your sole purpose in buying a five pound coffee can is to use as a grain can. Well, of course. I hate coffee.
